Thread: Funnies.....

New Towns in IRAQ

1. Wherz-Myroof
2. Mykamel-Izded
3. Oshit-Disisbad
4. Waddi-El-Izgowinon
5. Pleez-Ztopdishit
6. Kizz-Yerass-Goodbi
7. Ikantstan-Disnomore
8. Wha-Tafuk-Wazi-Tinkin
9. Myturbin-Izburnin

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her
students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!"

Ms Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While
Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal
what the situation
was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he
failed to
answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know. The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry
can go to the
third-grade."

Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The
principal and Harry
both agree.

Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Ms Brooks: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, and
contains thin whitish liquid?"

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Harry was taking charge.

Harry: "Coconut"

Ms Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky"?

Harry: "Bubblegum"

Ms Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a
dog does on three legs?"

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: "Shake hands"

Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions,okay?

Harry: "Yep".

Ms Brooks: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up.
I get wet before you do".

Harry: "Tent"

Ms Brooks: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The
best man always has me first".

The Principal was looking restless and bit tense.

Harry: "Wedding Ring"

Ms Brooks: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow
me, you feel good".

Harry: "Nose".

Ms Brooks: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a
quiver".

Harry: "Arrow"

Ms Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot
of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry
in the fifth-grade,
I got the last ten questions wrong myself".



The Elmo Misunderstanding

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.
The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45AM, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new
employee.
He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up.
The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.
Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric,wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.
The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically.
After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday.

Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."


An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the Agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite anisette sprinkle cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife......
"Back off!" she said, "They're for the funeral."



Courtesy of some random ABC page I found.

lol @ "they are for the funeral" one, that would make u feel all warm and fuzzy incide

Roflcopter...thats hilarious