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As an employee of an institution of higher education, I
have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct
superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground
squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-
workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only
surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not
only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired
because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently
hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you
vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the
hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as
incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will
also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and
explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective
as telling you what an IP is.
Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk
around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others.
You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for
your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn
it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your
glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the
blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like
you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation
is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy
reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few
parting thoughts. 1. When someone calls you in reference to employment,
it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can
say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends
randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest,
because I know you would be unable to do it on your own. 2. I have all
the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password
you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am
going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when
you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like
"Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration. 3. When
you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother' s
birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures
of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such
odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been
copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter
of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to
correct your mistakes.) Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter
of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to
anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be
open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why?
Because they know what you do with all that free time! Wishing you a
grand and glorious day.
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