Ahem! Consumer Affairs Is Not Your Personal Lacky.

[Wally]

WE WILL NOT INSTALL ILLEGAL SOFTWARE FOR YOU. THERE ARE MANY FREE ALTERNATIVES THAT WILL DO JUST AS GOOD IF NOT BETTER. WE ARE NOT A FUCKING LIBRARY.

My personal favourite is when customers ask how much a piece of software costs, makes a comment about how expensive it is and then say "Isn't there like a site somewhere you can download it for me for free?"

[Aegis]

My personal favourite is when customers ask how much a piece of software costs, makes a comment about how expensive it is and then say "Isn't there like a site somewhere you can download it for me for free?"

my favourite response to that used to be: "sure, while we're at it, shall i murder someone for you? start a coke ring? maybe rob a bank too?"

[r00t|{it]

My personal favourite is the expectation from certain customers to stock everything under the sun. Then they haggle over a $5 HDMI Cable which they dont end up buying because they didn't actually need it anyway. (see how the day just gets better ^_^)

[grandinferno]

This is why I don't work selling computers anymore. Too many know-all dumb fucks.

[craZy C]

My experience over the years has always led me to believe that no matter what you say or how you say it the customer will always try and bag you for something. The expect their PC to return to them in the exact condition they gave it too you except a little bit faster and at minimal cost. Sometime you feel just a minor tweek and give it back will save the heartache.
But like all good techs you go through your process of cleaning and optimizing the system within reason.
The ones I really like are those that say it's okay, I have cleaned my system and saved everything you can start again.No sooner have you completed the job they say so did you save my emails or where are my favorites...yada yada yada.
Honestly I am amazed that IT workers don't go postal........my two cents anyways

[Kagetsu]

"ALL your data will be LOST FOREVER if I do this" isn't something easily forgotten/misinterpreted by the customer.

Even I, as someone who hasn't worked in the IT industry for ten years now must say, this isn't quiet correct either.

The number of times this played out:

Me "The only real solution is to format and start again"
Them "what does that mean?"
Me "It basically means deleting everything, the system, your files, all the applications etc... Have you done a backup of your files?"
Them "No, I only use it to browse the internet"
Me "Would you like me to format and reinstall windows for you with some applications?"
Them "Hmm. Okay, yes, if that's the only solution".

Later I get a call after they've returned home and booted up

Them "where are all my files?"
Me "I did say they would all be deleted."
Them "I didn't agree to that! How am I going to complete my uni assignment?!"
Me "I'm sorry, you said you only use it to browse the internet"
Them "blah blah blah, your fault!".

[leonami]

Ah the perils of customer-facing retail...

Personally my little trick is to remain cool, calm, collected and completely logical and rational. If you get worked up they get the satisfaction and their point becomes justified. If you remain calm the whole time, present the problem and the solution clearly and be firm on where the line is they will eventually realise that yelling at someone who isn't reacting just makes them look like a dick.
If they try to make the escalation to a government department bluff, call them out on it. Hand them the phone give them the number and say there you go. As long as you've done your job you won't suffer reprimand.

[morge]

Actually called CA for a customer once.

[insidious]

Actually called CA for a customer once.

i knew the guy at CA and would refer customers to him, i think he had a standard speech written, "no he does not have to warranty the phone you dropped/wet"

[grandinferno]

I had a guy come in with his daughter ranting and raving that the screen of his laptop had cracked for no reason. I looked at it and it was obvious that someone had left a pen on the keyboard and closed the lid.

"Did you leave a pen on the keyboard [daughter's name]."

"Yeah."

*dad grabs laptop, apologises and storms out*

Obviously he had never asked her if she had actually broken it. Was a truly bizarre situation. Either that or the daughter fucked up the plan with honesty.

[r00t|{it]

I got alot of little nuggets like that one, as I'm sure most of us do. Would be interesting to read a book with some of the most common and outrageous.

[Aegis]

better than that, go read the Bastard Operator From Hell - many of his wise nuggets have been deployed to great effect.

[JugV2]

better than that, go read the Bastard Operator From Hell - many of his wise nuggets have been deployed to great effect.

Now that's a read that can go on for some time. Is it still around?

[Aegis]

yup

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