This is all cut/pasted from a MUD, so yeah :P it is pretty funny tho :P
Well, anyway. We left for Melbourne at about 2:00am, and were due to arrive at about 12:00. But, because the bus kept breaking down we didn't arrive until 4:00pm, and the place we were at (the VIP box at the melbourne race track) had gotten rid of all the food and was just about to close up and assume we wern't coming. However, they had kept the alcohol. At this point I'd like to point out that I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since we left. I quickly grabbed a jug of water, carried it back to my table, at which point lots were drawn for getting the alcohol. Since I had bought the water, I was arbitarily designated to get the booze. This I did, carrying four bottles of wine (two red, two white) back to our table. However, as I was carrying it back, Big Sumps saw me, looked me right in the eye and started singing this song which means you have to drink whatever you're holding... everyone joined in, and soon enough, I was there sculling this bottle of red... I drank about 1/3 of the bottle.
Anyway. Since this was my first time out on the piss properly, everyone kept refilling my glass, so I don't know how much I had to drink- possibly two or three bottles. I felt bloated and like I was about to chuck- so I was sent on the train with the most drunk people, most of whom (but not me) spewed up on the train. Fortunately no conducter came and we wern't ejected. Anyway, when we got home, I went straight to bed because I was sick. However, I (apparently) did some study before I went (dunno why) and tried to write stuff- it *looked* like "Turtle Soup Theif" in Japanese/English/Engrish, but I to this day dunno WTF it is. Anyway... I woke up in the morning, with the absolute hangover from hell, and I staggered out to get some water, still wearing the clothes I had on. Before I could get to the bathroom, however, Little Sumps grabbed me and pulled me towards the bus, saying I was the last one and everyone was looking for me (I passed out in the wrong bed but nobody noticed)...
We were late going to this pub, and thusly everyone was herded onto the bus. I felt *so* sick the whole way there- I felt like chucking, but my stomache was now empty, so it wasn't happening... my throat and mouth were dry as sandpaper and it hurt to cough. So the moment we got off the bus, I ran inside and asked for a jug of water. However... Soph' came up beside me and asked if I was hung over. I said I was, she said, "Well, you need some alcohol then- have some baileys, then. They will make you feel better." The fool I am, I believed her, and changed that to six shots of baileys. Now, to be fair, I felt *great* after that. Headache was gone, throat was fine, mouth was fine, I was awesome. For about half an hour, after which I started to feel sick again... so Soph said, "Well, you need more..." so six more shots later, and I didn't improve. Didn't get better, just didn't get
worse- so she said, hey. Have something stronger. Have tequila. Six shots of that later...
Bear in mind at this point I had still had no food or water for almost a day and a half and had been drinking very heavily. It went straight to my head. I had another three shots of tequila, three shots of midori green, six shots of midori blue, six shots of midori red (called a Rainbow because of how your spew looks apparently)... then I was desperate for water. I was dying. At this point we were collectively ejected from the tavern and were sent out to the MCG to watch the footy. At this point my brain shut down. I literally forgot how to speak English- I was still moving under my own power (staggering/crawling) and was just babbling stuff in Indonesian/Japanese/French/German... I didn't know enough of each Language to make a sentence, so I would mix and match or just plain make up words until I thought the sentence worked. Nobody could understand what I was saying, except that Pia had done some Japanese before, and said she thought I was constantly saying "I am poisoned" or something to that effect.
Oh, before we left I asked for water. I must have been so drunk I ****ed it up because he gave me six shots of water... which I drank. However, a handful of people saw this, thought it was tequila again and were about to call an ambulance- fortunately for me they were so drunk at the time they couldn't remember it thirty seconds later, so it was all good. Anyway- we were now in the MCG. I don't remember going inside there, I just remember sitting down and trying to find where the ball was, and I kept falling off my seat (which was flat concrete). I felt sick and extremely *extremely* gone. I could bearly see. Just before half time Mel vomitted on a security guard and we were ejected from the grounds. However, the MCG security had given Mel over to some coppers who were in the process of holding her up and putting her inside a paddy wagon. I get angry at this and stagger over to them, demanding to know why they are arresting my friend and comparing their arrest to the russian police-state mentality.
Now, this would be a bad thing- but I was telling them all this in the mishmash of languages I was attempting to pass as English at the time and my triade just got blank stares all around until Cameron came up, grabbed my shoulders, steered me away and explained, "Don't worry about him, he's foreign." He bought me hot chips which distracted me away from that (primarily due to the hot gravy searing down my arm) and despite the intense burning pain of the freshly cooked chips I ate 'em anyway, because it was food. Then somehow I was in a taxi and it was night. Then somehow I was somehow aboard the bus waiting for everyone to get aboard so we could get Home. Lil' Sumps was trying to explain to the bus driver that they needed to go by the police station to pick up Mel, and finally we did. She got a rousing cheer as she got aboard, and Sumps had to bribe the cops $50 to let her out. Anyway, we started the long bus ride home. I hadn't spewed at this point.
I would like to point out that I had migrane headaches as a kid. They were extremely painful, but never had I ever in my lift felt this sick. The rocking motion of the bus, the smell of puke everywhere... the final straw came when Gav asked me how much I had had to drink, and about half way through telling him (to the best of my knowledge, anyway) I chucked up. Out came the alcohol, the chips, everything. I ran to the back of the bus, spewing as I went, and opened the door to the toilet that was aboard. I spewed all into the toilet for several minutes, but in my drunken stupor had left the seat down- so I was vomitting on the lid. Anyway, someone kept banging on the door, and so I opened it- guess who it was. Soph, that bitch! Anyway, the moment I saw her, I started to tell her how this was all her fault and that her efforts to slay me with tequila were all in vain- however, naught had I spoken two or three words "You BITCH!" then I threw up all over her.
The bus was in a terrible state by this stage. The floor of the upper level (where the most people were) was covered in a thick layer of puke which would slosh whenever we turned a corner. Trickles were running down the stairs. Fortunately for me at this point the bus started to act up again, so we stopped at a service station... I ran inside, held my mouth under a tap for several minutes, then staggered back to the bus, absolutely bloated. I just got back aboard the bus, when I puked again- all that water when all over someone who had passed out in the isle. I went back out, had more water, chucked that up in the garden- had more water, chucked that up on the floor of the bathroom, had more water and held it in... so I got back on board the bus, only to chuck that up again half an hour later.
We arrived home at about 6:00am on the Monday. I slept intermittedly all day (with breaks to spew), but by the time it came to dinner, I was probably still drunk- I was severely dehydrated and had the mega-hangover-from-hell. I had vomitted all day, and at dinner, I was finally able to keep my food. It was only then that I started to feel sober-although, really, I had not fully recovered until at least two days later, when my dehydration started to subside.
I found out later Stew had told Soph to look after me and make sure I didn't get too drunk. This, of course, she took as an invitation to get me drunk as possible- which she did. She had admitted quite candidly that she didn't care how much I'd had to drink, she would buy more drinks if I ran out money, which I did. I drank about "40 of alcohol at the Cricker's arms, which is an achievement I have yet to beat.