http://www.27bslash6.com/hatemail.html
Quote:
I wrote a stupid post about the television host 'Rove' and his dead girlfriend. Basically I asked why no-one mentions his dead girlfriend. I also stated that I thought she got off easy - "not tonight dear, I have cancer".
Of all the messages I recieved proclaiming me to be a prick for making statements about his dead girlfriend, Dick's were the most entertaining for me as he just kept going. Unfortunately I have not recieved any correspondance from Dick for a while, I will assume he has been arrested by the beard police. This is saddening as it seemed no matter what nonsense I sent him, he would reply in anger.
From: Richard Matthews
Date: Tuesday 6 Nov 2007 7.42pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Rove
**** you retard wydont you shut up! he dident ask for his gilrfriend to die so use your brain to work out how you would feel and just ****en shutup!
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 6 Nov 2007 8.04pm
To: Richard Matthews
Subject: Re: Rove
Thankyou for your recommendation Dick, I am currently writing a television script that I think you would be perfect for, it features a genius of superior wit and intellect who uses his uncanny abilities to protect the innocent. Aided by his loyal pet, masturbating monkey, he endeavors to right wrongs and solve crimes. At the end of each episode he will leave us with a profound, thought provoking and politically correct statement such as "don't leave your pet in the car with the windows up" or "**** you retard wydont you shut up". An important part of the character development as I see it, would be the developing relationship between yourself and masturbating monkey. The show will be titled 'Monkey Dick' (a combination of private dick and the pet monkey, similar to 'canine cop') and I do hope you will make yourself available for this opportunity.
From: Richard Matthews
Date: Tuesday 6 Nov 2007 8.17pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Rove
**** you coksucker you should be ashamed of what you wrote that was wrong ad you know it How wud you feel if you were rove? why dont you **** off.
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 6 Nov 2007 8.42pm
To: Richard Matthews
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Rove
You're correct Dick, my statements were uncalled for and unquantifiable in any manner. I apologise without reserve and ask for nothing but your understanding. I hope, in time, you can come to forgive me for such contemptible statements. If I could retract my statements I would but I do not have a time machine. I wish that I did have a time machine, I would take my Macbook Pro back to 1984 and visit Steve Jobs. After selling my laptop to him for millions I would return to the present. I could do this several times as each time the present technologies would have changed. It is a flawless plan, I am sure you will agree, lacking only the availability of time/dimension manipulation technologies.
From: Richard Matthews
Date: Tuesday 6 Nov 2007 9.02pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Rove
That didnt even make any sense. why dont you stop wasting your time and get a girlfriend!
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 6 Nov 2007 9.06pm
To: Richard Matthews
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Rove
Thankyou for the excellent suggestion Dick, I contacted your wife and we are now seeing eachother.
From: Richard Matthews
Date: Tuesday 6 Nov 2007 9.17pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: **** off
youve obviously got no firends!
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 6 Nov 2007 9.28pm
To: Richard Matthews
Subject: Re: **** off
You got me Dick. You are correct, I have no friends. I am lonely and sad. I am currently sitting in a cave by myself, sustaining myself on beetles, powering my laptop by an ingenious array of pulleys and flywheels constructed from small lizards and tree sap from the local flora. I came here to escape my family, friends, industry associates, acquaintances and the lady next door who was spying on me, in the hope of completing my novel titled "why are there so many dickheads messaging me?" I have made the dedication out to you Dick and will endeavor to send you a copy once it goes to print.
From: Richard Matthews
Date: Wednesday 7 Nov 2007 10.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: **** off
Your a moron muthufuka!!!!
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 7 Nov 2007 11.52am
To: Richard Matthews
Subject: Re: Re: Re: **** off
Well done Dick, that sentence included a word containing more than three syllables - I am assuming mutha****a to be one word in your dimension. As I mentioned, I am currently writing a novel and would be honored if you would concede to being the editor. I realise that you must be in great demand, with a long list of literary achievements and I am less than worthy of your mastery in this area, but an opportunity such as this could simply not be passed by. I will attach the manuscript and look forward to your positive response.
From: Richard Matthews
Date: Wednesday 7 Nov 2007 2.18pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: **** off
youve got mental problems wanker and dont call me dick. your the dickhead!
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 7 Nov 2007 2.44pm
To: Richard Matthews
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: **** off
Dear Dr Dick,
Thankyou for that in-depth psychoanalysis which is so accurate as to be uncanny. As your professional diagnosis has clearly outlined, I do indeed have mental problems. It is a degenerative disease that causes a small part of my brain to die every time I recieve a message from the kind of person that collects star trek dvds and listens to Jimmy Barnes (yes, I read your profile). Little more can be done except to write a letter to your university, in particular your psychology and psychiatry lecturers, congratulating them on producing such an amazing pool of talent.
Best, David