Another golden Bash.org

[FONT=Courier New]#802023 [FONT=default][FONT=default]+[/FONT][/FONT](136)[FONT=default][FONT=default]-[/FONT][/FONT] [FONT=default][FONT=default][X][/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman]<rawrkitty> so today i did something awesome
<rawrkitty> i set a bag of shit on fire
<rawrkitty> and it smelled like shit
<Tabi-chan> How'd the person react?
<rawrkitty> huh
<Tabi-chan> The person who's porch you left it on
<rawrkitty> why the **** would i do that? thats stupid[/FONT]

meh

LOL

well thought out

#791482 +(3491)- [X]

<Snausages> So, an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar.
<Snausages> And the bartender says,
<Snausages> "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."
<Myke> That struck a chord.
<Snausages> Careful with those puns, you'll get in treble.
<Myke> But they're key to my humour.
<Myke> And very noteworthy.

Haha

Quote from ResLo;319685:
meh

#799370 +(690)- [X]

<@Phil> Hey, not saying your vagina isn't mighty. I mean, people LOVE the grand canyon...
<@Squash> Well guys like it when they can go in deep.
<@Phil> Yeah, but not when they'll fall in and die.

Bump. GOLD

#827518 +(561)- [X]

<kinzey> i want to go out with a girl
<kinzey> and lay in the field
<kinzey> real romatic like
<kinzey> and just stare at the full moon
<kinzey> and she'll say something along the lines of "the moon's so beautiful tonight"
<kinzey> and i'll just be like
<kinzey> "that's no moon... THAT'S A BATTLESTATION!!!"
<kinzey> and then run to the car and leave her ass there
<Chris> wow

Hahahahah!!!

lol at the last one.

ElGarlic: Spending your life waiting for the messiah to come save the world is like waiting around for the straight piece to come in Tetris.
ElGarlic: Even if it comes, by that time you've accumulated a mountain of shit so high that you're ****ed no matter what you do.

<Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
<Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the ****ing shit out of him.
<Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he ****ing had:
<Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
<dan> Dude, you ****ing killed McGuyver!

Quote from Minorci;332089:
<Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot.
<Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the ****ing shit out of him.
<Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he ****ing had:
<Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly."
<dan> Dude, you ****ing killed McGuyver!

HAHAHAHA

Seppukakke: You know, in the Old Testament, God was full of Wroth and Vengeance. You did bad stuff, he rained brimstone down on your ungrateful ass or harrassed your people with 7 plagues.
Seppukakke: In the New Testament, its like he has turned over a new leaf, you don't hear some much of the nasty things he did to his people (because if you believe in it, everyone on earth is his creation)
Seppukakke: You know what happened around the time between the New Testament and the Old Testament?
Seppukakke: He got laid.

Mary was a dirty slut.

7531)- [X]

<Anonymous> Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little ****s that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
<Anonymous> Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the ****ing skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little **** he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “****! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! ****!.” By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
<Anonymous> Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m ****ING HIV POSITIVE.”
<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just ****ed up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the **** she is.
<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.

Oh wow...****ing pwnt.

One for you chow :)

#831311 +(191)- [X]

<Ace073> wtf
<Ace073> i was just watching australia idol and they called it 'straya nidol'
<Ace073> wtf!!
<Ace073> why perpetuate the idea that we're hillbillies?
<Ace073> freakin south africa doesnt come on tv and say 'BLACK PEEPLE GTFO'
<Montana> Dude, thats so gay.
<Ace073> i know.. why dont we just rename the stupid continent Straya >_<
<Montana> No
<Montana> I mean
<Montana> You watch Australia Idol

Bucky, that is ****ing gold.

<kw> I tried to download a chick flick once, but none of the packets had any sense of direction

<xsphere> dude, josh was struck by a genius yesterday
<xsphere> it's fo funny you wouldn't believe man
<xsphere> so we're walking down the street right
<xsphere> and out of nowhere comes this black kid running
<xsphere> and one of those rent-a-coppers chasing him
<xsphere> as he's passing by josh sticks his foot up and trips him
<xsphere> turns over to me
<xsphere> and with an oscar deserving dead pan face says
<xsphere> "another one ****ed by the NPCs"
<xsphere> hahaha

lol
<_kr4m3r> so many ****ing criminals, its bullshit
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"

rofl

its not bash but i must share it. ahhh racism.

#30020 (5408/8206)

**You know you're in a Racist channel when you see this**
(19:22:54)<Jaayy> I like my coffee the way I like my niggers.
(19:22:59)<Naive-EOC> Dead?
(19:23:01)<Derid-EOC> In the Field?
(19:23:02)<Ball-licker> In jail?
(19:23:06)<Humur> Killing each other?
(19:23:08)<Naive-EOC> Stealing?
(19:23:09)<Sailym> Covered in blood?
(19:23:11)<Humur> 5$ a piece?
(19:23:13)<Derid-EOC> Stupid?
(19:23:20)<Jaayy> ...
(19:23:31)<Jaayy> BLACK YOU ****ING RACIST BASTARDS! I LIKE MY COFFEE BLACK!

and...

#54388 (3926/4810)

[Oni] ****!
[Oni] I'm just about out of black ink
[Krypton] printer?
[Oni] No, the type I disperse to run from predators.

#59780 (1305/1723)

<Toba> how can you be decidedly and forcefully indifferent?
<est> I DON'T CARE

nice site! another from the same site
Jenna says: I
Jenna says: l
Jenna says: o
Jenna says: v
Jenna says: e
Jenna says: y
David says: C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
Jenna says: what the **** is your problem?
Jenna says: why do you always do that?

<Runter> If I ever become ruler of the world
<Runter> I'm going to hold huge "Where's Waldo" contests
<Runter> Dress one guy up as waldo and put him in a crowd of like 1000 people
<Runter> and get people from helicopters to try to find him
<Runter> to win they have to shoot him
<Jay> Why would you have to shoot him?
<Runter> Because I've always wanted to ****ing kill waldo. I mean seriously who doesn't ****ing hate him?
<Jay> I don't
<Runter> Well then, do you like dress-up?

Bash.org is down at the moment. If anyone can help there's a msg on their home page...

...so anyway... I had to go the next best thing: QDB: Quote Database Home

Anyway. You know how there's some classic bash quotes, but then they all become not funny after you've read them over and over? Well no matter how many times I come across this again I still lol.

l70uke: network connections says it cant find an IP address
dbbolton: open a web browser and type 192.168.1.1 in the address bar
dbbolton: what happens
l70uke: "please enter disk into drive a"
dbbolton: what the F*CK

i lold

Bash is back up

Quote from Harbinger;354784:
Bash is back up

Awesome. I've had to go to QDB: Quote Database Home in the meantime... *shrugs

Edit: Bash must have all it's crap mixed up. I'm sure Keith dodged that bullet a while ago.

#834654 +(2516)- [X]

lemonlimeskull: Keith dodged a serious bullet thanks to his massive stupidity.
Opium: Hmm?
lemonlimeskull: Well, as you may know he lost his license months ago
lemonlimeskull: So he's been biking everywhere, which has lead to him losing a bunch of weight
lemonlimeskull: He bikes to Walmart today and as soon as he gets to the electronics department, realizes his wallet's fallen out, probably somewhere along the highway.
lemonlimeskull: So he takes the memory card he wanted, puts it up in his baggy sleeve, and goes to leave.
killjay: Uh oh
lemonlimeskull: Yeah.
lemonlimeskull: Naturally, security stops him as he gets within 5 feet of the front doors. This huge obese woman who is obviously having a really bad day - or just hates her job.
killjay: o shit
lemonlimeskull: She stops him, GRABS his arm, RIPS up his sleeve, and WRENCHES the card out of his hand.
lemonlimeskull: He knows he's screwed so he starts crying in the middle of the ****ing store. He cries all the way back to the security office, and everyone's staring at him the whole way.
Opium: So he's sitting in jail right now
lemonlimeskull: That's the awesome part. The manager takes a look at him, notices the bike helmet, poorly fitting clothes, lack of any ID whatsoever, and the fact that he's crying like a three year old.
killjay: .... -_-
lemonlimeskull: Yes. He was let go and the security woman got chewed out for hurting a "retarded kid".

Quote from grandinferno;354786:
Awesome. I've had to go to QDB: Quote Database Home in the meantime... *shrugs

Edit: Bash must have all it's crap mixed up. I'm sure Keith dodged that bullet a while ago.

yeah I'm sure I read that one a few months ago too.

i liked this 1
Tom> here's a tip, you can't substitute a washing machine for a dish washer
<Ben> ...
<Tom> can you hear the noise from up the street?
<Ben> no... which way around did you mix them up?
<Tom> I tried cutlery in the washing machine. it's scratching the door up
<Ben> !!!!!! are you insane?
<Tom> nowai
<Ben> knives at 1200RPM
<Tom> it won't be 1200RPM
<Ben> it will when it gets to the spin cycle
<Tom> !
<Tom> brb

<glowsun> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo
<glowsun> and got mauled
<glowsun> and people were talking about how there should have been better defenses put up to prevent people getting into the cage
<glowsun> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
<glowsun> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in

...

[Oni] F*ck!
[Oni] I'm just about out of black ink
[Krypton] printer?
[Oni] No, the type I disperse to run from predators.

#831195 +(2990)- [X]

(@Dreki) I just realized something.
(@Dreki) A is the 1st letter of the alphabet and H is the 8th letter, right?
(@Dreki) 9/11=0.8181818181=HAHAHAHA.

^

looooooooooooooooooool. going to hell for laughing at that =(

#608100 +(9078)- [X]

<cassius_clay13> so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
<cassius_clay13> well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
<cassius_clay13> so i helped him walk to the toilet
<cassius_clay13> all the stalls were occupied
<emoti_conartist> lol
<cassius_clay13> bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
<cassius_clay13> so he ****ing KICKS one of the stall doors open
<cassius_clay13> and there's this guy in there taking a shit
<emoti_conartist> hahahahahaha
<cassius_clay13> and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
<cassius_clay13> then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to **** him up... so i'd better hit him first'
<cassius_clay13> so he ****ing SMACKS this guy in the face
<cassius_clay13> and runs away
<cassius_clay13> imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER

HAHAHAH!

Dun fck wit meh: when muslim women come to my door i talk to them through the mail slot, see how they like it

LMAO!

ipatchphd: i knew someone named april may
IUErothyme: hahahahahaha
ipatchphd: and when her mom was angry shed say
ipatchphd: YOU BETTER MARCH APRIL MAY

LOL!

<Alucard> is the reason r2-d2 beeps so much because someone f*cked up the alsa drivers?

SeanieG123: So the other day i was hangin out with some friends and i told them about this dream i had.
SeanieG123: It was a weird dream, and they all agreed and told me there was something wrong with me.
SeanieG123: Anyway, so then my black friend, brandyn, looks at me funny.
SeanieG123: So jokingly, I say to him, "what's wrong? don't you dream when you sleep?"
SeanieG123: He looks at me dead in the eye and says, "hell naw! last nigga who had a dream got shot!"

killjay: Most embarassing internet moment?
killjay: Unknowingly cyber with a dude?
lemonlimeskull: Nope.
killjay: Knowingly cyber with a dude?
lemonlimeskull: Not as such.
lemonlimeskull: Though when I was a kid, I did try to run an ASCII image of a naked chick through a text-to-speech program, set to female voice.
lemonlimeskull: When she got to "colon colon colon period colon colon colon period period" the moment was gone.

* Vesper is now known as CodyB
<Teku> why the nick change?
<CodyB> I'm teaching this hot chick how to use IRC
<xanatos> ...why
<CodyB> I got grounded for two weeks and I can't call anyone. I figured I could talk to her here, at least.
<CodyB> be cool, I'm teaching her about channels and she might come in here
<xanatos> how did you get grounded
<CodyB> I locked my sister outside for three hours.
<xanatos> i bet she didnt like that
* StacyF has joined #randomshit
<CodyB> yeah I thought my parents were going to kill me
<CodyB> oh hey, there you are
<Teku> So you had sex with your sister on your parents bed and they walked in on you? Wow Cody, you're lucky you only got grounded for two weeks.
<StacyF> eeew you sick ****
* StacyF has left #randomshit
<Teku> I know you're going to kill me later, but it was so worth it
<CodyB> you mother****er

rofl

#758379 +(7862)- [X]

< Alkivar> we're on our way back from partying in NYC over the weekend ... it was like sunday afternoon we're headed back west
< Alkivar> we're cruisin... maybe 130-140mph
< Alkivar> flew past a trooper on the side of the road
< Alkivar> trooper lights up ... siren blasting ... chasing us down the highway
< Alkivar> we're both like should we stop ... there's no way he can catch up to us
< Alkivar> we decided to be good and stop
< Alkivar> cop catches up to us ... comes out gun drawn ... pissed as hell
< Alkivar> walks up to the side of the car and goes
< Alkivar> "SON CAN I SEE YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE"
< Alkivar> Jason pulls out his ****ing pilot's license
< Alkivar> cop's jaw hits the ****ing ground
< Alkivar> most stunned face I've ever ****ing seen
< Alkivar> in this practically a whimper goes "get the **** out of here"
< Alkivar> no ticket... too embarassed apparently
< Alkivar> I'll never forget that day long as I live
< Alkivar> I was sure we were goin to jail

<JoshtheRipper> Brad do you have any issues with " burn in " on your plasma?
<KnaveBrad> nope
<JoshtheRipper> kool
<JoshtheRipper> How well does it handle blacks
<KnaveBrad> I have it bolted to the wall, so they can't really take it without some serious work

lol bash.org... racism at its most honest

#908184 +(2094)- [X]
<Twig> I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy f*cks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl f*cks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.

That's so ****ing gold Rec!

QDB: Quote #909853

Crimson_Judas: I overheard this chick at lunch talking to a friend
Crimson_Judas: About how she had to terminate her pregnancy when she was young, and now that she's ready for children she can't get pregnant
lemonlimeskull: Classic case of ABORT, RETRY, FAIL.

Rofl

bahahahah

<@loans> what client are you using
<sessilenomad> IRC...
<@loans> that's not a client
<sessilenomad> idk what client im using then
<@loans> that's like me asking 'what ISP are you using' and you saying 'internet explorer'
<sessilenomad> ooooh
<sessilenomad> firefox

<Fattie> I'm fuckin hungry gonna go make some food
<Fattie> if I DC call 911, I probably burned down the kitchen
<[FKU]Greycloak> "Hello? 911? I'd like to report a fire at 74.12.122.225"

x-c0n: Dude I was so drunk last night.. apparently this girl said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered, "Simba".

<Rei> What's Microsoft Works?
<K> An oxymoron.